Hey guys, I am back again after announcing on social media that i was taking a break of about 2 weeks from everything. A lot had been going on personally and I needed to step back and just get everything in order.
Now, I would really love to sit and type out what happened and how I felt, but this evening, Clare put up a post on her blog that hits the nail on the head.
She has kindly allowed me to put it here as its so eloquently written.
So hopefully you understand why I have been absent for the last few weeks.
It’s been a while since I have written anything and I very nearly wasn’t going to post this but after going back and forth I decided to go ahead and share this.
Much to Myself and James’ surprise we not long ago found out we were expecting baby number 4 (pregnancy number 6). This was a huge surprise to us so it obviously wasn’t planned.
We have our hands full as it is with a 2 year old, 1 year old and 7 month old. When we found out there was a lot of mixed emotion. My main concern wasn’t how would we manage with one more, I was worried but I knew we would manage because I had the same thoughts with Sofia and we are doing just fine.
I think what scared me the most was telling family and friends. I wasn’t sure how others would react, I kind of felt like a teenager telling her parents she was pregnant. I don’t know why I felt this way but for James he felt the same way for the most part although I know his main concern was how we would cope with 4.
My sister was the first person to know as always (other than James) and she said to me, you are married and pregnant to your husband, why are you afraid to tell people?
I finally plucked up the courage to tell my family, I made a Doctor’s appointment and after talking things over with James I put of returning to education for a year. I was finally starting to feel excited; I was relieved that the reaction from family was positive. I started to imagine what life would be like with our newest addition, we would talk about 4 children in our conversations. We discussed the room arrangements, and agreed to not find out the gender. I did a lot of research into breastfeeding and pregnancy.
I started to feel exactly like I felt with every single one of my children, I loved this little baby.
I had no warning everything seemed to be going perfectly. I never for one minute thought I would have another miscarriage.
A healthy pregnancy, miscarriage, healthy pregnancy, miscarriage and healthy pregnancy…. James mentioned to me how there was a pattern and he just had this feeling it would continue. I remember telling him there is no reason I would have another loss, I’m young and healthy and the other two were completely unrelated. There is no pattern.
Then it happened without warning we were just going about our day as normal and in the blink of an eye everything changed again.